Waiting

I wait and wait without an end in sight.
I pull and want with all my might.
But I’m just tired of the fight,
And no longer know what’s right.

Should I stay or should I go
I cannot tell, nor do I know.
‘Accept it and just ride the flow’
It’s not an option… it’s a blow.

In the end I might be running
But I hope I may be learning,
That some flames will not be burning
No matter how strong the yearning.

I’ll be crushed then I’ll be set
You’ll be my greatest regret.
My only hope is to forget
The day we so easily met.

I tell myself to stay and try
To not give in and say goodbye.
The target though was set so high
That it seem like it’s a lie.

I wait and wait without an end in sight.
I pull and want with all my might.
But I’m so tired of the fight,
I no longer know what’s right.

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Inner Demons

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I’m building walls they have to climb,
Push them away time after time.
They mock and laugh, and then hit back
And easily get back on track.

I’m building walls they have to climb,
Push them away time after time.
They gently brush away my hair
I take a breath but there’s no air.

I’m building walls they have to climb,
Push them away time after time.
I shake them off just for an instant
They grab on tight, they are resistant.

I’m building walls they have to climb,
Push them away time after time.
I choose to face them feeling stronger,
They smile back and hold me longer.

I’m building walls they have to climb,
Push them away time after time.
I’m giving up and slowly fade
Give in, find solace in their shade.

I’m building walls they have to climb,
Push them away time after time.
The demons offer their embrace
I just give in and take my place.

They find me when I’m all alone
And cut me down to the bone.
I’m slowly learning how to die
My silenced eyes no longer cry.

© Copyright 2018 Olivia G. Owens. All rights reserved.

Chains

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Cascades of shadows envelop me
Creep in and settle with such glee.
They burrow deep inside my heart
And slowly begin their relentless assault.

They invade my mind with such ardor,
Strike and push even harder.
So hard I fight to keep them at bay
I can do nothing, not even pray.

Pray that my soul is left unaffected,
Denying the truth that I feel dejected.
Aware of the pain inflicted each moment,
Unable to feel the need for atonement.

Deserving of this wretched agony
Tears are pouring uncontrollably.
These shadows churn deep inside my head,
And singing that I’m better off dead.

It’s easy to reach for the cute little bottle
For in it lies a hopeless lost battle.
I want to sleep and not feel the pain
That binds me forever just like a chain.

© Copyright 2018 Olivia G. Owens. All rights reserved.

Second Chances

Genuine, caring individuals are difficult to find.

You know the ones I’m talking about…

The one person who will stay up with you at night and answer your texts.
The one who will hold you up no matter what.
The one who will listen to you complain about your life, your ex, your mother, or your brother.
The person who listens no matter what, no matter the time and no matter the issue.

The one you run to when you’re down.
The one you never run to when you’re up.
The one who compliments you only to be hit back with “it’s not true.”

The one who tries to pick you up only to be shot down by your insecurities again and again and again.

Yes, these people do exist. I know this because I found one.
An inspiring soul whom I adore and admire.

I found this incredible person and I threw them away…

I over-analyzed and read meaning into every spoken word.
I focused on nothing but the negative.
I didn’t ask what I could do for them.
I pushed this person away again and again and again until they stayed away.

I allowed my insecurities to sabotage a lovely friendship with this person.

You don’t recognize what you’ve done or what you have until it’s too late.
So late that your heart splinters with the realization that no apology is ever enough. Because you have done it again and again.

Apologies are now meaningless.

You hope, however, and pray every single moment of every day that they will forgive your missteps and reach out.

There’s no reason for them to believe your words because your actions have been atrocious.

The best thing that happened to you in a while had enough. And you deserve this dreadful, heart wrenching loss.

Remarkably this person does not believes they are amazing, wonderful, and simply awe-inspiring.

The extraordinarily pure heart they have makes them believe there’s nothing out of the ordinary about them.

I want my person to know that while they may not mean anything to this world, they mean the world to me.

 

Temporary

When you feel broken and alone
The pain hits down to the bone
Get up, fight and try again
Move on up and don’t ask when.

Don’t ask when things will be alright,
Or worry almost half the night.
There are no magic fairy tales
Just an unfair balance of scales.

You will act a little crazy
And work yourself up in a frenzy,
You’ll imagine things unreal
And wonder what it is you feel.

You will find better days ahead
Not only those just filled with dread,
You won’t believe things will get better
But time will make you stronger, greater.

Life will give you ups and downs
Fewer smiles and more frowns.
What you are feeling is so scary
Believe this is all temporary.