“You Will Become an Army for Your Child”

via The Mighty: https://www.facebook.com/Themightysite/videos/604998539647897/

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Where I Stand

In case you are wondering where I stand today… yes you, you know who you are…

Your obstacles feed my tenacity. You have strengthened my resolve in ways you can’t even imagine.

No, I am not done. You haven’t even tired me a little.

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… not today, not tomorrow… NEVER.

Is this clear enough for you?

Better yet… do you think I’m kidding?

 

When Nature Calls

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On Friday I had to go to the social security office. It opens at 9 am but I thought I’d get there early just in case. I get to the office about 8:15ish and there’s a line around the block already.

Grrreat!

I stand in line and play on my phone. What else was I going to do… ask advice on how to become disabled so I can get on SSI? Although… not a bad idea… perhaps next time…

About 8:30ish a cop comes out and says, “I want to go over some rules: no food, no drinks, no electronic cigarettes, no sharp objects, no marbles, no rocks. Please take them back to your car before you come in.”

Really? I have to leave my rocks in the car? Well fuck me! I suppose I can keep the grenade I have in my pocket since you didn’t say anything about that – this I THOUGHT, not said. I’m a smartass not a moron.

I finally make it inside, but first I had to go through security and the metal detector. People in front of me had full backpacks. Of course, security had to look through each and every pocket.

Isn’t that what a metal detector is for? You know… a piece of paper could be considered a weapon. You can get a paper cut and bleed to death on the social security office floor.

It is easier to get into the NSA (I’m assuming here of course, until I hear that knock on my door) than it is to get into the social security building.

Security signals me to come through, but after I made it clear through the metal detector (good thing I had the brains to bring a ceramic grenade with me) I had to wait while they looked through my wallet. My wallet is about 4″ x 5″ x 2″. Was it really necessary to open it and check it? I have yet to come across a working miniature javelin. Good thing they missed the quarter inch shard of glass I had in there. Phew!!! I keep it for emergencies you know.

After I pass inspection I grab my number and run to the restroom… I REALLY had to go. That’s what I get for having caffeine in the morning [I’m sure you were dying to know this].

I walk into the restroom and feel a little odd. Perhaps it’s all the caffeine.

I ignore the feeling and go on about my business. As I come out, I realize I am staring at a urinal. “That’s odd,” I think – still clueless. Then it occurs to me that there’s only ONE stall. Huh!

I walk out and look at the door. You guessed it – it says MEN.

 

© Copyright 2014 Olivia G. Owens. All rights reserved.

 

Image via: http://funny-pictures-quotes.com/2014/04/16/when-you-gotta-go-you-gotta-go/